This is the first book of the Bible. It begins with, well, the beginning-- that is, the beginning of time as we know it-- the creation of our universe. It then goes on to tell the story of our first ancestors, Adam and Eve, who were created perfect but then through an unfortunate encounter with a serpent and some sort of fruit often thought to be an apple, fell into complete disarray and became horrifically flawed, as the act of listening to the serpent and eating the fruit represented an act of treason against God.

Next, the narrative spirals out of control and tells a saga best described as the tragic events of every day life. We learn about Adam and Eve's son Abel, who did what was pleasing in the sight of God but met his untimely demise at the hands of his brother. Many have speculated that this first murder in the second generation was accomplished by a rock or a bone of some sort. We will go with bone as that sounds altogether more interesting.

The story rockets through countless generations to arrive at a fellow named Noah, who-- at the time we first learn of him-- is a little more than halfway through his more than 900 year life. By this point in history, the Creator has become quite fed up with His creation's acts of rebellion and has determined it would be best to smite them-- with the obvious exception of Noah and his family, as they appear to not have gotten on the Omnipotent's nerves quite as much as the rest of those who trod on the Earth.

God accomplishes this by sending the worst calamity to hit the Earth prior to its eventual destruction-- a massive global flood, the likes of which this planet will never see again. While not much is reported about the horrors of the flood, it was enough to blot out all human life, shape the continents, erupt volcanoes, and re-create the earth anew once the waters finally settled. Noah and his brood were safe on an ark during this, along with a jungle full of animals, which after more than 40 days and 40 nights must have smelled unwholesomely brutal.

Once the smell reached Heaven, the Creator had mercy, the waters receded, and a rainbow brought news that such a massacre would be neither ordained nor allowed ever again.

Humankind, being fickle and forgetful, soon forgets the lessons of the flood, and within a few generations after Noah has managed to completely forget God's existence once again. In chapter 12, the focus is a man named Abraham, whom God singles out as the person who will begin a great new nation that He will call His children.

The remainder of the book focuses on Abraham's journey of faith with all its flaws a foibles, and the flaws and foibles of a couple of generations of Abraham's decedents, who include Isaac and Ishmael, a sibling rivalry that could one day destroy the entire world, Jacob and Esau, two twins with opposing personalities. The hero in their story does some villainous things not limited to lying, cheating and stealing, and the villain is of what most human beings would consider to be noble character, but his desire for God is lacking.

The book ends with the birth of what became known as the 12 tribes of Israel and the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery by his brothers, thrown in prison and later made to rule in the Pharaoh's court.

The book is commonly believed to be authored by Moses, who upon hearing about the dysfunctional families in the ancient tale, very likely went to the nearest bar, wedding feast or mystical rock to drown his sorrows with fermented grape juice.