Are you tired of spending long hours in the seminary library? Do you feel like you're wasting all your time and effort in pursuit of a new theological debate to assure your place in theological superstardom? Friends, I have just the thing for you. With this easy-to-follow guide for writing pop theology, you are sure to solve all of your scholarly problems without the hassle of unnecessary theological reflection.

The Top Ten Guidelines for Writing Pop Theology

10. Write under the assumption that today's readers prefer "self help" books tinted with theological niceties, perfect for teaching morality to Johnny and Suzie.

9. Introduce popular business lingo and techniques. This will not only reenforce the strength of the status quo, but also provide a lovely framework for a refreshing section on mission statements!

8. Feel free to make sweeping generalizations. The phrase "biblical times" is most helpful in this respect. Remember: always favor the universal over the particular.

7. Be inconsistent. Nobody likes a redundant author. For example, discount the importance of Jewish cultural law in one paragraph and quote a rabbi in the next. You will seem well-rounded.

6. Develop a catchy slogan that evokes a sense of assurance in the midst of doubters: long enough to capture attention, but short enough to fit onto an average church sign.

5. Do not include any hint of your denominational tradition. Cut ties with it altogether if necessary. Nondenominationalism is the new denominationalism.

4. If you include prayers at the end of each chapter, be sure to remove all Trinitarian language. This makes it easier for seekers who are more comfortable with self-help language and affirmations.

3. Use a trusty version of the Bible, such as the King James Version or The Message. Make sure the Scripture to sentence ratio is always 1:5.

2. When selecting Scripture, try to find the most obscure passages, preferably ones with little researched scholarship. If you are lucky, one such passage may even double to serve as an outline for your book! Always divorce such passages from their historical and socio- political context.

1. Include all of your major arguments into an easy-to-remember list. Be sure to include a perforated version for the readers to tear out and carry with them at all times. You can also use the last 10 pages of your book to describe supplementary materials to your book, available for order. Don't forget to include the order form.

I hope that these 10 tips enable you to be the kind of pop theologian you know you could be!!!!

[Note: If you enjoyed this Pop Theology Guide, please consider purchasing Adrienne Trevathan's "How To Write Pop Theology" mugs, t-shirts, calendars, life planners, notebooks, binders, highlighters, backpacks, yard signs, posters, button pins and nail clippers].

[Disclaimer: Adrienne Trevathan will not be held responsible if you follow these steps and are not a successful pop theologian].