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Saturday, 17 November 2007 18:27 |
 Friends,
Word has reached my ears that some in the politically correct crowd have decided “Ho! Ho! Ho!” might be offensive to women and might scare young children. I think that's a bunch of hooey, for a number of good reasons, which I'm sure some of you fine folks haven't thought about yet.
First of all, I've been saying “Ho! Ho! Ho!” for a pretty long time. The classy young folks who first started using “Ho” as slang for loose women, weren't even in diapers when I first started using it as my signature laugh. Come to think of it, they weren't even a gleam in their daddies' eyes. Actually, their daddies weren't even a gleam in their daddies' eyes. So, regardless of what you might see or hear around you, I do believe there's a good precedence for my usage of the term.
Secondly, the P.C. crowd has suggested that my jolly expression be replaced with “Ha! Ha! Ha!” There's just one problem with that. See, I'm not Dracula. Besides that, what do you folks think is going to scare a little toddler more, a nice jolly round gentlemen who joyfully says “Ho! Ho! Ho!” or a fat old guy in a red suit, who says “Ha! Ha! Ha!” Now, I don't mean to sound sick, but if I go around doing that, I'm gonna look like a creepy old dude with an ulterior motive. Y'all don't want that for me, do ya?
I mean, what's next, do you want Old St. Nick to use some Christmas magic to reverse the aging process, so I don't offend the geriatrics? Would you like me to give up the sweets and go on a diet so as not to offend the obese? Should I wear makeup so my red cheeks don't bother alcoholics? Can't we just go back to the good old days, when people had spines and didn't go around crying about someone hurting their feelings like a bunch of French wimps?
Lastly, I would like to remind everyone that most of the world is market-driven. What that means is, if you have a problem with Santa, and Christmas trees, and nativity scenes, and Christmas carols, stop giving the shopping malls your greenbacks between Thanksgiving and December 25th. If you really want to see me hang up my boots, and if you grinches really despise the celebration of Christmas that damn much, put your money where your mouth is and maybe it won't be such a big production every year. Otherwise, just do us all of us at the North Pole a favor and SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!
My name is Kris Kringle and I approved this message.
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